Sometimes I break

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When I first started this blog, I planned for it to be not only a place for me to share my recipes, workouts, and Beachbody program love, I wanted it to be a journal of sorts for me. A place to talk about my own journey, my struggles and triumphs in hopes that in some way they could help and inspire others who are going through the same things. I have realized that I am not doing so much of the journaling. I find myself holding back. It's hard to be vulnerable and put yourself out there for others to see...the real you. To see the part of you that struggles, is full of emotion and frustration. I generally try to be positive a majority of the time. But we all have our moments.

Today was one of those moments. I have been working so hard for so long. I know what some people say. I have heard it through the grapevine. Things like 'She doesn't look like a health and fitness coach.' or 'I feel bad for her because she works out so much and still looks like that'.  Most of the time, I can just shrug it off. I know that I am doing the best I can and my focus has ALWAYS been working towards a healthy lifestyle, not the number on the scale. But the reality is that I am human..I am a woman. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and feel good about myself and some days are harder than others. Today we were taking my measurements for the start of 21 Day Fix EXTREME and they were pretty much the same as the start of Insanity Max:30. I know that has absolutely NOTHING to do with the effectiveness of that program. I have watched friends and clients have great success. My body just doesn't respond the way that others do. I am working to figure out why that is, but until I can figure that out I have to fight and scrape for every ounce and inch. So when I saw that my measurements hadn't changed, I broke. My poor husband was sitting there watching as tears stream down my face and there is nothing he can do to help me. Sometimes the frustration just gets to be too much and this is how it comes out...heart wrenching sobs.

I am not telling you this to for pity. I just want you to know that sometimes I break too. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I just want to give up. I have the thought 'What does it matter? I might as well get extra sleep and eat what I want.'. The practical part of my mind knows that it is a ridiculous thing to think though. I know that regardless of how defeated I feel right now as I am typing this, that I have already come so far. I know how strong I am. I know how much better I feel. I know that I need to be setting that example for others and there is nothing that gives me more joy than helping others reach their goals, even as I'm struggling with mine.

So I will let myself have a good cry...maybe even a pity party. I will dust myself off. I will go to the basement and do my workout anyway. I will eat clean. I will not give up. I will never give up. I'm too stubborn for that!

- Tina


  1. I'm so proud of you Tina. Your perseverance and determination is truly inspirational. That drive should motivate us all to be the best we can be; to feel healthy and proud of what we are doing for ourselves. And you gladly give your time and effort to help us get there. Thank you for that, and thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you so much! Your words mean a lot to me. <3